The Good Shepherd and Good Shepherding
Conversation #10 - Sheep Whisperers
Ministering to a world of grief while immersed in our own pain and loss.
SHEEP WHISPERERS
I thought I had an original thought. But then I asked Siri about it. Yeah… wrong again. Disappointing? Only briefly. It’s encouraging to know others want to be better at encouraging the sheep of their fold.
We, of all people, have a head start, no? We are already well-positioned to finesse our connecting abilities more profoundly than before. A pastoral heart and an empathic ear are not innate qualities. They are received from the Holy Spirit. These giftings are desperately needed today.
Endemic loneliness …
Have you ever been lonely? Loneliness is worse than a high-strung dog … always following me around … always needing to be in the same room with me … always whining in my face. The health articles we read repeatedly tell us loneliness is the #1 killer of people our age. There is no vaccine or pill for it.
Have you ever been with the lonely? One observation from the walk with Carol through her post-stroke journey is that the elderly are often undervalued, under-visited, under-included…, and neglected.
As debilitating infirmities overtake us, at what point does God become less caring? When do we become less valuable to him? I hope someone will care for me, even when I don’t remember who “me” is. God will remember who I am even if I won’t. He remembers who my afflicted loved one is, too…
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine! Who Am I? Dietrich Bonhoeffer: Poetic Insights on Personal Identity (Minneapolis: Augsburg Books, 2005, pp.8-9)
When immersed in our grief, it’s easy to feel useless. We don’t know what we could offer to others. The saying “misery loves company” is used to warn about people who would drag us down. I want to turn that phrase on its head: There are at least two things always at our disposal to come alongside others in their misery: We can spend time with them … we can commiserate with them. Commiserate means to express mutual sympathy with someone about a shared negative experience. Spending time means being in the same space with them… and not in a hurry.
John Prine sang his songwriting as no one else could…
You know that old trees just grow stronger And old rivers grow wilder everyday Old people just grow lonesome Waiting for someone to say Hello in there, hello HELLO IN THERE, Album: John Prine, 1971.
Imagine a grieving shepherd reaching in with a hug and an offer of time together. Where could our grief journey be better put to use than in the deepest recesses of the valley of loss we’re already acquainted with? We love our flock enough even to revisit our own grief. We will purposely climb down into that valley again to come alongside another grieving sheep.
When is time spent with the lonely, the stricken, or the miserable NOT time well spent?
The art of spiritual conversation…
The subtleties of deep connection keep us on our toes, and our desire to be better at it grows. We stay willing to learn more on the subject. A book in my recommended reading list (see below) is titled “The Lost Discipline of Conversation.”
Beneath it all is constant watchfulness, almost intuiting the next question, recognizing when and how we’ve been granted permission to weave our way through the layers. To discover the realities behind the facade, lots of time and listening are required. Being quiet and patient is the default setting. It takes everything I've got, but it’s more exciting than exhausting.
While I’m intently listening… while someone is baring their soul, pouring out their misery, I experience a feeling of joy. It’s some combination of humbled, honored, and joyful… because someone I love trusts me to listen and to hear their story. They don’t need to hear my story as much as they need me to listen to theirs. It’s lightness and freedom because… I find joy in being trusted.
Celebrating deep companionship—The fruit of good sheep-whispering skills.
Just remember when, Before we were lovers, I swear we were friends. LOST IN THE LIGHT
Yes, Carol, “before we were lovers, I swear we were friends.” Your companionship and deep conversation made me a better sheep whisperer. Your acceptance of what was to come next in your life came packaged in a beaming smile that was yours almost to the end.
Acceptance nature points the way— leaves float down quietly why, oh why, can’t I? -Carol's haiku
Reads to help reflect and refresh…
Come and Welcome to Jesus Christ, John Bunyan, 1681.
Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers, Dane Ortlund, Crossway, 2020.
The Contemplative Pastor. Eugene H. Petersen. William B. Eerdmans, 1989.
How to Inhabit Time. James K. A. Smith, Baker Publishing Group, 2022.
The Lost Discipline of Conversation, Joanne J. Jung, Zondervan, 2018.